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The Enchanting Village of Woodstock, Vermont

submitted on 5 June 2023 by

A Haven for Affluent Hippies and Burnt-Out Businessmen

As I rolled into the quaint village of Woodstock, Vermont, it became clear that this leafy corner of New England is not your average small town. A fusion of history, absurd wealth, and natural splendor, Woodstock is a dreamscape of dense forest, rolling hills, and meandering streams, punctuated by the cries of strange birds and the howls of the occasional deranged local. However, beneath its picture-perfect facade lies an underbelly of weirdness that is sure to enthrall the most jaded of travelers. With its eccentric inhabitants, odd traditions, and inexplicable phenomena, Woodstock is a veritable carnival of the absurd, beckoning the curious and the twisted alike.

The Twin Farms Curse

It is said that there is an enchantment upon the land in Woodstock a curse that binds those who dwell here to a life of wealth, leisure, and artistic indulgence. One such afflicted estate is Twin Farms, a luxurious all-inclusive resort that caters to the affluent elite. These poor souls, trapped in their opulent prisons, are fated to spend their days basking in the sun, nibbling on artisanal cheese, and engaging in the futile pursuit of creative fulfillment. Twin Farms is a peculiar institution, where the inmates partake in bizarre rituals that are as baffling as they are pointless. I witnessed a gaggle of the damned engage in a heated game of croquet, their laughter echoing through the manicured grounds as they vainly attempted to whack a tiny ball through a series of hoops. As the sun set on this scene of hopeless decadence, I could not help but shudder at the thought of what other strange fates awaited the inhabitants of Woodstock.

Wassail Weekend: A Pagan Festival Disguised as Norman Rockwell

In December, the village's true colors reveal themselves during Wassail Weekend a bizarre celebration of pagan rituals, masked as a quaint holiday festival. The streets brim with rosy-cheeked carolers, their saccharine melodies barely concealing the ancient rites that lay beneath. As darkness falls, the townsfolk gather for the Wassail Parade, a procession of horses and riders bedecked in garlands and wreaths a thinly veiled ode to the gods of nature and fertility. The parade culminates with the "Wassail King and Queen" leading the crowd in a toast to the health of the apple orchards a blatant nod to the fertility rites of old. I observed this spectacle with a mix of amusement and horror, wondering if the participants were fully aware of the twisted roots of their supposedly innocent traditions.

Billings Farm & Museum: The Cult of the Noble Cow

In Woodstock, there exists a deep and abiding reverence for the bovine species, and nowhere is this more evident than at the Billings Farm & Museum. Here, visitors are given the opportunity to pay homage to these hallowed creatures, as they toil in the fields and produce life-sustaining sustenance. I was led on a tour of the farm by an overly enthusiastic docent, who regaled me with tales of the farm's history and the many virtues of the Jersey cow. I was then herded into the dairy barn, where I bore witness to the sacred ceremony of the milking a ritual that seemed to hold a strange, almost erotic fascination for those present. As I departed the farm, I could not help but feel that I had glimpsed a hidden truth of Woodstock a truth that lay hidden beneath the cloak of bucolic charm.

Where the Weird Ones Roam

Though it may appear an idyllic haven for the wealthy and well-heeled, Woodstock is a town teeming with lunatics, eccentrics, and lost souls. I encountered a man in the center of town who claimed to have communed with extraterrestrial beings, a woman who insisted that her cat held the power of clairvoyance, and a baker who swore that his sourdough starter was the elixir of life. As I prepared to leave this strange village, I found myself both repulsed and entranced by its peculiar brand of madness. Woodstock is a place where the lines between reality and fantasy blur, where the twisted and the sublime coexist in a fever dream of excess and depravity.

A Final Farewell to the Village of Woodstock

As I sped away from the enchanting, bewildering Woodstock, I considered the madness I'd encountered. The world-weary traveler may find solace in the town's peculiar embrace, but beware for once you have tasted the forbidden fruits of Woodstock, you may find yourself forever ensnared in its peculiar web of enchantment.

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